1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
