she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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