Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
