if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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