So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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