some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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