I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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