Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
