My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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