Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
