so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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