don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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