cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
