I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize