Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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