I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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