it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
