I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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