I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
