I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
