It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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