Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
