I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Houston, we have a blender
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
