I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
