yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
