I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
