u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i would punch a child for taco bell
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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