I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
