Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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