she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
