You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
