I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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