I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
