whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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