So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
