An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
