who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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