oh god the rape fog is back!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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