That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
