the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
