sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
