he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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