I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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