ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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