i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
