I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
