I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
