If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
