I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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