I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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