I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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