She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
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