Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
