its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
