In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
