Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
