Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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