you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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