VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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