I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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