k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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