i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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