So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
