my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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