Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
