just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
