Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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