Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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