Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
