booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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