Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
